Turns out it was my issue!!

Years ago, when our family was just beginning to grow, I found myself beaten down by the thoughts, words and actions of others in the church.

I was in a miserable place.  I was pregnant with Emmalie, our fourth baby, and her brother was barely going to be 12 months old  when she would be born.  I was tired, overwhelmed with cloth diapers (lol) and in a continual tug of war with the Lord.

You see, 4 years earlier the Lord had asked us to simply trust Him about the issue of children.  He wanted to be in charge. This posed a number of issues;
1 we had planned to have no children. 
2 we were young and had wonderful plans to work for the Lord.
3 we were basically living hand to mouth...I could list more.

On this one wintry day I was doing all that pregnant moms do and the Lord chose to visit me.  No I did not see Him..BUT He "chatted" with me for a significant amount of time.  
It went like this:
"you have not planned your children but I have known their names and their number before the beginning of the world." He then proceeded to ask me a series of questions ..." how have your pregnancies been?  Have you been healthy?  Have I provided for each and every one of your needs?"
He went on to say.."Yet you have allowed the very blessings that I have been pouring out upon you to be stolen by others."

WHAT? How come I'm getting blamed?  I'm only doing what You said!!  Geeez!!

and then His Words sunk a little deeper...
'YOU HAVE ALLOWED'....


It hit me like a brick!  
My eyes were opened and I dropped to my knees on that worn linoleum floor.   In tears I said, "Father, forgive me!  YOU HAVE poured out so many blessings, YOU HAVE been faithful!!!    I'm so sorry Lord..please forgive me!'

A sack of boulders rolled off my back that day. My nerve endings went back under my skin and my antennae shrunk out of sight. It was my first of many lessons in seeing that I cannot blame anyone for my feelings, my 'reading other's thoughts", my sensing other's body language and my over-sensitivity that was stealing ALL MY JOY!

I was back in His Grace!  

Now I have visited this place often over the years but every time I have learned deeper that I MUST NOT let anyone steal my blessings!   I must guard my thoughts and cast down those vain imaginations!* (2 Cor. 10:5)

Take inventory my friend.  Does your hope, thankfulness and joy bag have a hole in it?  Are you allowing yourself to be robbed with out putting up a fight?

HE IS SO GOOD and these many years later "I see the Goodness of the Lord in the land of the living"* (Psalm 27:13) as my 12 do much more for and in the kingdom than we two could ever have done!

I'll say it again!
GOD IS SO GOOD!








Letting others steal our blessings!